feeling sick

I'm feeling sick ! Sick of myself . Felt so dull recently . I need satisfaction ! Dont let me feel that I'm loosing please.

Struggle very hard , like a drowning men hope to grab something . I wanna grab everything ! Yes , I'm greed , greed , wish to swallow the world. Where am I ? The one lost in the haste , at some where very deep in my heart .Where am I ?

Am I not aggressive enough ? I wonder , maybe ... sometimes . Yes , I admit . My life is dull, I know myself very well , I know what I want , it's just I cant get . Am I not qualified ? or , it's not belongs to me ? I know what am I doing , yes I'm not feeling good. and , yes , feeling like a dumbo . I met it twice I lost it twice , does it considered lost ? cause I'm not even get a chance to hold it . what a waste , what a mess .

Anyway , lets roll the tape .Life should keep going. Silent my mind please. Shuffle to the next stop.

How good am I ?

How good am I ? What do I deserve ? I keep asking myself ...

I want it so bad , to live my way , but things happened just made a heart broken , but at the end , I think , does it belongs to me ? Anyway , life should be compromise , sometimes. Good luck , bad luck , who know ? lets give life a smile . =)

Work harder ? work smarter ? working smart and hard , seeking for perfection , but , aint easy as ABC ... believe that fruit will grow after plenty years of planting effort.

Learn ! learn and learn .... keep learning , told myself , I will be someone , somebody , someday later !

Anyway , this's just a recording of my life . =)

此时心境

当努力得不到成果时，随而代之的将会是不堪的疲惫，或身心的劳累
。

但，我并没有放弃，每天都告诉自己，过去了的就让它过去，让以后重新开始。日复一日，究竟前景如何？仍在探索。

我不喜欢接受残酷的事实，锥心之痛，很难受！
我累了，是自己的过错？还是天意呢？
奢求安慰，是否过分？
我总附和别人的要求，但会否有人试着满足我的需求？
我不奢求，且看好运会否给我传球！

我累

脑筋不停的在转，却百思不得其解。两三个星期的忙碌，却好像没什么进度。我 要 IDEA !!! 我开始不懂自己在做什么了。自己跟自己吵架，表里不一。究竟我想要什么呢？以为得到了，却又为何在最后又不是在我这里呢？ 其实最近都在发恶梦，是否意味着什么吗？ 我不知道，我累了。

终于·！

终于，名成利就，这是我给自己的一个肯定吗？哈哈，要再加油，决不能安于现状！这只是向我的目标多迈向一步而已，可是还没到达终点。不一样的人事，不一样的工作性质，希望我能胜任吧～ 切记啊胡伟杰，学无止境，要不断的增值啊！ 讲真的，对于此事，我蛮满意的！

又回到原点

兜兜转转，又回到原点了。

又要开工了！心情雀跃，不知道会是怎样的路程。一定要再增值阿！

昨天是愚人节啊，真是开了个很大的玩笑。得而复失，不过不打紧，塞翁失马，焉知非福？不过，除了不舍，惋惜，也带了点心酸。很想让人知道，我不会被规限於某些名词上，一举一动，付出及努力都是看自身及内心。算了吧，又不是第一次了，每每到这个阶段就是这样。该怪罪于命运吗？可命运也待我不薄啦，有今时的成就，也是拜命运所赐。所以？哈哈，还是那句，塞翁失马，焉知非福？hmm, 等待与期待，是否还会到来？

以前，我认为是很傻的举动，我说不会做的，我做了。现在才知道，那时别人在做时，当时，他们真的信了。我珍惜这份真诚但是什么让他们过后变质了呢？

又回到自我，为了相同目的，或许上天是想让我尝到一点儿甜头，希望我会因为向往那滋味，而朝目标前进吧？世事如棋，人生如戏。人生，是被我看到很自然的不自然，哈哈。

a click in my mind ~

Ok, seem decided, let give it a try, I think it's no harm if trying ... at least I wont regret. Personal though, don't dare to share out, cause it's shows that I am a bit far from realistic, never mind, at the mean while, I will materialize it.

Ishh, move men move!!!! I keep telling myself, for the aim of the year. PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY FIT! Hmm, I never stop my EQ training hahahaha... ya, some time it's hard to face some people, thing I should do should be "be patient". So, smile =) ~~

Time skipping away, now, I think should take my lazyness off, start it NOW!!