new year post , welcome 2013

2013 …… we still manage to see sun rise sun set everyday , world is not terminated , life goes on , people move on .

The last for my sharing was month before , still remember I was struggle about the same thing . And now , all back to the same routine , I got the others , instead of the one I wish to . Some time I wonder , is this what fate want me to take or just a simple coincident ?

Well , chinese new year just around the corner , I love the atmosphere !! leveling in my life , gaining experience but dint really know when is the time to level up . Life full with true or false , let time reveal the answer . Work hard for what I want , pray hard for what you wish and die hard to play !

Remember , everything comes with effort !

Happy new year .

无题

欲哭无泪，这感觉，真的不好受。面对他人时，也真的无言以对了。

非常明白这只是人生的过程，但，这么多次，扑了空，我，开始质疑自己了。

对人对事对物，抚心自问，我做得够好了吗？

我，祈求的，还是得不到。

心猿意马

心中的郁闷，可向谁倾诉呢？心猿意马，辗转反侧，彻夜难眠 。

面对可怕的未知数，我慌了。厌恶某些感觉，世事是否真的犹如镜花水月？

Still young

Still young ... ... people like to remind me on that . *sigh* Struggling to lay hand on something ! But , I dont know what do I lack of because I'm still young . I really hope I can give some impact , with my own strength . It's almost end of the year , how I wish , I can grab something . 

恐怖的

籍着这种感觉，仿佛又回到了中学时那青涩的时候。这种感觉，是 genuine 的 ！是打从内心发出的。只可惜，结果，也跟那时一样。感觉那么近，却又觉得遥不可及。每每看到当下情况，情景总把我的思绪拉回从前。

最近，不懂得，我想要什么呢？归根究底，是我贪吗？总觉得缺了些什么…… 其实，这是借口吗？其实，我想找的，都是那两样。给自己一大堆烂理由，掩饰自己的无能吗？还是怪命运的不堪？真的那么差吗？我，就不行吗？

我，希望就能偶尔扮演下坏角色，希望可以走捷径，希望会发生不大可能会发生的事。假想的满足，却不能让现实开心。看到的假希望，真的失望。内心交战，讨厌所谓的不敢与不能。唉……

漫无目标时，真的是很恐怖的。

无可奈何

现实里得不到，就沉溺在幻想里。睁开眼睛，感觉是多么的空虚。
真的。开始动摇了，开始怀疑自己，是否想要的，就只出现在脑海里？
多少次觉得自己愚不可及，多少不满及言语压抑在心里？
长叹一声，无可奈何。只能期盼，奇迹到来。
好的坏的，都会过去的，回首只得傻笑，抬头却不知面对什么未知事与物。

feeling sick

I'm feeling sick ! Sick of myself . Felt so dull recently . I need satisfaction ! Dont let me feel that I'm loosing please.

Struggle very hard , like a drowning men hope to grab something . I wanna grab everything ! Yes , I'm greed , greed , wish to swallow the world. Where am I ? The one lost in the haste , at some where very deep in my heart .Where am I ?

Am I not aggressive enough ? I wonder , maybe ... sometimes . Yes , I admit . My life is dull, I know myself very well , I know what I want , it's just I cant get . Am I not qualified ? or , it's not belongs to me ? I know what am I doing , yes I'm not feeling good. and , yes , feeling like a dumbo . I met it twice I lost it twice , does it considered lost ? cause I'm not even get a chance to hold it . what a waste , what a mess .

Anyway , lets roll the tape .Life should keep going. Silent my mind please. Shuffle to the next stop.